Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Are You My Facebook Daddy?


<insert adorable picture of small children, captioned>
“If we get a thousand ‘likes’ my Daddy will get us a puppy.”

     Apparently, we do not have enough parental surrogates in place with teachers, coaches, Xbox, TV, that now we need Facebook parents.  If that is not ridiculous enough, we have Facebook enablers that ‘share’ the crap ostensibly to “help” the little children reach their goal.  YHGTBSM!!

     I guess it seems harmless enough until you really think about it.   It could be argued that this is a lesson to the youngsters on initiative or the use of social media.  Pets teach children responsibility.  If you would like to teach initiative, I would suggest Elbert Hubbard’s, “A Message to Garcia.”  Furthermore, it is unclear how one would develop the social media lesson in any meaningful way.  “Look, I have one thousand friends!”  Probably the wrong lesson, since we consider ourselves lucky to have a handful of extremely close and truly trustworthy friends.  “Sure, we can find a thousand morons to respond to this.”  Okay, maybe there is some short P.T. Barnum “sucker born every minute” lesson to be derived.  I just wonder if it is necessary to push being the “sucker.”  You could also teach your children about exploiting people for little payoff by having them deal crack on the corner.  Just saying.

     If we imagine that the post is legitimate, then “Daddy” has abdicated his parenting role over to all of us.  Man, oh man!  This is time to put on the twisted grandparent persona because not only can you spoil this lot, but you do not even have to deal with the consequences of any twisted lessons they might carry away.  Oh, and “Dad,” grow a sack!  Make a decision on the damn puppy, just like the rest of us.  When the lease did not allow pets, we explained it.  When we could have them, then we did.  Even when the veritable “farm” grows to 2 horses, a pony, two dogs, and a cat; most dads stand up and make the call because a real father knows who will be out there on the cold dark night the fence breaks, an animal is sick, or a myriad of other issues.  Oh, and when the request came in for the goat, a real dad took care of that one too, rather than handing it off to surrogate Facebook dads.

    In all likelihood, however, the cute Facebook post soliciting “likes” is a business scam.  Resist the urge to subjugate yourself, and potentially your friends, to whatever information they are attempting to obtain.  “Once the pages have collected huge numbers of 'Likes', they are then sold, for cash, to other businesses who use them to make their page appear popular…Pages with 100,000 likes can be sold for $200, according to adverts unearthed by Pearce.[1]”  But hey, if you know the business, or the person, to the extent that you know what they are using it for then go for it, it’s your prerogative.  Your Facebook friends might prefer you not attempt to drag them down, though.

      So if you are my Facebook friend and want to scam me, do it to my face.  At least be Manti Te’o’s girlfriend or something interesting.  I would suggest the persona Fay Curry or Piehole Covére.  Avoid being the irresponsible parent that wants the rest of Facebook to raise their children, or anybody else’s.


[1] . "Why 'Liking' Facebook virals makes scammers rich." Yahoo News. Yahoo!, 24 Oct 2012. Web. 22 Jan 2013. <http://uk.news.yahoo.com/facebook-spam-scam-secret-revealed.html>.

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